BETHEL PARK, PA—In an unexpected outpouring of generosity and affection, local man Adam MacMillan spent 20 seconds Tuesday evening treating Melanie Traynor, his girlfriend of three years, to a luxurious back and neck massage on the couple’s couch, sources have confirmed. According to reports, Traynor was almost certainly brought to a state of utmost relaxation as her boyfriend intimately kneaded her neck with a single hand as he sat watching television, his sensual motions decreasing in intensity with each passing second. In addition, sources confirmed that Traynor was both delighted and entirely satisfied during the six-second period when her boyfriend was rubbing her vertebrae while under the impression they were muscles. After concluding the lavish massage with a few half-assed chopping motions on his girlfriend’s shoulders, MacMillan reportedly then turned to Traynor and insisted, “Okay, my turn.”