Extreme heat during the summer means many households will face months of skyrocketing energy bills. Here are some tips for saving energy and keeping your monthly bill reasonable:
- Air-drying all of your laundry is an easy way to make sure your clothes feel uncomfortable and look like shit
- Cool your body naturally by lowering your pulse to 10 beats per minute
- Unplug your devices during the 30 minutes per day you are not using them
- Stuff unused power outlets with paper towels and Kleenex to prevent electricity from escaping from the holes
- Refer to power as “juice”
- Explain to the maidens who fan you with giant palm fronds that hard times mean a slight reduction in wages
- Switch off your distortion pedal to save electricity and let the warm, clean tone of your Fender Jazzmaster shine through
- Look for tanning beds that have earned the Energy Star label
- Gently remind family members that the special lamp they use for their seasonal affective disorder is only really intended for winter
- Disconnect all appliances to lower your electricity use and to prevent the government from monitoring your thoughts