CHICAGO—Completely embarrassing themselves in a pitiful display of collective ineptitude, a group of five female friends who gathered for happy hour Monday reportedly failed in their sole duty of providing a recommendation for a good gynecologist when asked for one by a new acquaintance who had recently moved to the area. “Yeah, I can’t really think of anyone,” said local woman Mary Goertz, echoing the sentiment of the four other total fuckups who, instead of completing the simple task of producing the name and location of a dependable women’s health specialist in their city, completely shit the bed and floundered around like useless imbeciles. “I think my coworker has a decent one. Maybe you should check online reviews or something.” At press time, a group of female friends at a nearby table who had overheard the conversation put the total failures in their place by serving up a “really great” gynecologist in two fucking seconds.