Disney Unveils First Virgin Princess

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LOS ANGELES—In an effort to better reflect the diverse backgrounds and experiences of their audience, Disney officials this week introduced Lily of Hazelberry, the company’s first virgin princess. “While our fans have long been enchanted by Belle, Ariel, and Elsa, we wanted to create a relatable princess for girls everywhere who are still virgins,” said Disney executive vice president Zenia Mucha, describing the only Disney princess who has never had sexual intercourse as a quirky, confident, and pure 14-year-old ascendant to the throne of the magical kingdom of Hazelberry. “All Disney princesses have extraordinary stories and inner qualities that make them wonderful and unique, but we’ve always lacked a heroine who hasn’t yet slept with her boyfriend or another male character. We are proud that Lily will finally provide a princess to look up to for the large demographic of young girls who, due to age, choice, or unavailability of sexual partners, have not yet experienced intercourse.” Disney representatives added that sexually active girls would also love Lily’s best friend, Princess Misty, who lives in a neighboring enchanted realm and just moved in with her slightly older boyfriend, Clint.