New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie decisively won reelection last night in a victory many pundits see as a significant step toward a 2016 presidential bid. As Christie’s prominence on the national stage rises, The Onion breaks down all you need to know about the 51-year-old Republican:
Name: Jason Paxton
Birthplace: Lifelong resident of Nebraska, from which he proudly commutes every day
Children: Bridget (2003), Patrick (2000), Sarah (1996), Andrew (1993), Kristen Bell (1980)
Number Of Times You’ll Hear His Name Over Next 3 years: 2,578,740,569
Most Important Piece Of Legislation: Gay marriage bill he was forced to allow
Biggest gaffe: “I enjoyed Hurricane Sandy very much. I particularly enjoyed how it ruined people’s lives.”
Greatest Asset: Bipartisanship
Greatest Liability: Bipartisanship
Favorite Musician With Nickname ‘Boss’: Jiří Valter—or the Big Boss—lead vocalist for Czech black metal band Root.
Christie: Brinkley
Most Recognizable Physical Characteristic: Height