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Roger Federer Stunned By Sheer Amount Of Trash On U.S. Open Courts

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NEW YORK—Surveying the piles of wrappers, old newspapers, and empty bottles scattered around the playing surface during his pre-match warmups, world No. 2–ranked tennis player Roger Federer expressed utter disbelief Monday over the sheer amount of trash on the U.S. Open courts. “Look at all this—it’s disgusting,” a visibly repulsed Federer said while using his racket to swat a crumpled McDonald’s bag away from the baseline, pulling his shirt collar over his nose to block the court’s putrid stench that had only grown worse in the afternoon sun. “There’s broken glass all over the backcourt, and I stepped on a used condom when I was walking by the net. I’m pretty sure someone went to the bathroom over by the opposite service line too, because it absolutely reeks of piss over there.” Federer added that, despite the repugnant conditions, he is still thankful he does not have to deal with the packs of wild dogs that roam around the courts at the Australian Open.