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Every Single NFL Player Traded, Retired, Signed, Cut, Re-Signed Over Past 24 Hours

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NEW YORK—With NFL free agency now in full swing, league sources confirmed Wednesday that a whirlwind past 24 hours has resulted in every single player from every team being traded, announcing his retirement, signing with a new team, getting cut, and then re-signing with a different team. “The dust is obviously still settling, but the balance of power has undoubtedly shifted in all eight divisions across the league as over 1,500 players have now agreed to contracts with their new organizations,” said ESPN analyst Adam Schefter, explaining that players each switched teams an average of 57 times yesterday while being traded, cut, and then retiring from the NFL, before then coming out of retirement to be signed, cut, re-signed, cut again, re-signed again, and then traded continuously every 30 minutes or so for the subsequent 18 hours. “It’ll be interesting to see how Calvin Johnson does next season after being cut by the Lions, signing with the Browns, getting traded to Houston, getting traded again to Minnesota, announcing his retirement, signing with the Eagles two hours later, getting cut an hour after that, signing with the Jets, and then getting traded back to the Lions in exchange for Brandon Pettigrew and a third-round draft pick. Of course, this will also depend on whether the Jets end up keeping Pettigrew or, as it’s being rumored, ship him to the Packers for Russell Wilson in a 19-team trade that would take Andrew Luck to the Cowboys, send Antonio Brown and Justin Tuck to the Chiefs, and bring J.J. Watt back to the Saints, where he was just released about five minutes ago.” At press time, sources confirmed that final terms on 14,367 new trades around the NFL are currently being finalized.