California governor Jerry Brown announced Wednesday that the state would impose its first-ever mandatory water reduction for residents in response to a four-year drought that has plagued large areas of the state. Here are some of California’s new measures to conserve water:
- Water offered generous tax incentives to relocate to California
- Residents must be 30 percent less glistening when emerging from pool
- Google forced to drain campus’s bank of relaxing womb-simulation pods and indoor airboat race course
- Right to water grass restricted solely to residents who have realistic chance of winning subdivision’s Best-Kept Lawn title
- Disneyland will no longer provide fire hoses for visitors to turn on costumed characters
- One-child policy
- Surgeons across state ordered to wash hands half as often
- Statewide consumer rebate program to replace old water with more water-efficient water
- Olivia Jessup of Sacramento asked to sacrifice a few hydrangeas
- Educational campaign to warn citizens against past 100 years of wasteful water policy