South Africa Realizes All Its Things Were Stolen During World Cup

JOHANNESBURG—Although the nation is receiving positive reviews of its job hosting the 2010 FIFA World Cup, South Africa was shocked to discover Monday that most of its belongings had been robbed while the nation was distracted by the month of soccer games. "We got back from the stadium and our car was gone, along with our television and most of our furniture," said Durban resident Simon Manby, noting that his neighbors had all suffered the same fate. "And the police say they can do nothing until all their stolen squad cars are recovered. Typical." The South African government has pledged to recover the nation's things, including several thousand hectares of veldt and its resident giraffes, which are presumed to be for sale on the Lesotho black market.